


i'm by your side (i'll watch over you)

by aalphard



Series: banana fish prompt fills [4]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: ???? - Freeform, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ash Lynx Lives, Canon Compliant, Emotional, M/M, Not Beta Read, Okumura Eiji-centric, Post-Canon, We Die Like Men, kind of? more like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aalphard/pseuds/aalphard
Summary: Ash lost a lot of blood. Check.Ash had a blood transfusion. Or maybe three, maybe more. Check.Ash was put into a coma. Check.Ash had been taken out of the mechanical ventilator. Check.Ash was now breathing on his own. Check.Ash is still unconscious. Check.Eiji might be going crazy. Check.or the time eiji wished he could give him his heart.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: banana fish prompt fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1727179
Comments: 16
Kudos: 131





	i'm by your side (i'll watch over you)

The first thing he noticed when he first came in was how pale he looked, almost as white as the sheets covering his body. His chest was moving up and down slowly, following the rhythm of a machine. The second thing he noticed when he first came in was how utterly fragile he looked, hair sprawled on white pillows, dark circles under his eyes and chapped lips. The only thing that made Eiji realize he was still alive was the beeping from the heart monitor attached to his chest. His knees gave out as soon as he walked in, his eyes were suddenly filled to the brim with salty droplets and he couldn’t even speak. _God, it hurt._

He hadn’t believed when he got the phone call. He hadn’t really heard anything besides _blood, so much blood._ Maybe a few mentions of _Ash_ and _knife_ and that had been enough. He doesn’t really remember _how_ he got to the hospital or, well, how he did anything after that phone call. It’s not like you carefully map out your steps after someone tells you the person you love has been stabbed to death. Well, not quite. But still.

It’s been two weeks now.

Eiji refused to leave even when Sing came up to him to say he’d get someone to look over him for a few days so he could get some sleep. He refused when Sing told him he should get something other than espressos and the crappy hospital food. He refused when the nurses told him he was stable and he could go home to get a change of clothes. He couldn’t, really. And even if he could, he wouldn’t. _I’m by your side._ He promised Ash. He couldn’t leave. He didn’t want to.

Even now, Ash is still pale. His lips are still chapped and his hair has lost its glow. He’s still warm, but colder than what he used to be. That’s to be expected, Eiji thinks, because not everyone manages to survive a stab wound to the stomach like that. The fact that he’s alive should be enough. It should, but it isn’t. When he first came in, Eiji thought the beeping sound from the heart monitor was reassuring – now it just seemed to mock him. It was stable, sure, but he’d lost count already of how many nights he’d spent wide awake, staring at the monitor, analyzing every single line to see if his heart was still working properly, if he wouldn’t slip between his fingers when he was _right there_.

And so, Eiji is now a mess of yawns and gloomy faces. There are dark circles under his eyes and his nose is runny because of the air conditioner and yet, he refuses to leave. Ash is still here and he’ll only leave with him by his side. His hair is a mess and he doesn’t even remember how long it’s been since he slept on a real bed.

He watches him all day long. He watches every inhale and every exhale, pays attention to every single beep from the machine next to him. He touches his hands every few minutes just to see if Ash is still warm. He puts his head in his chest (even though one of the nurses scolded him for doing that a few days ago) just to see if he’s breathing properly. He hopes, every waking moment, that he’ll wake up soon. He prays silently to Gods he doesn’t even believe in. Maybe he’ll get lucky with at least one of them.

The one time he got some sleep, he dreamt of Ash. It wasn’t pleasant, filled with blood and tears and goodbyes and he woke up with a choked scream, eyes hazy and teary, desperately looking for him across the cramped hospital room. The one time he agreed to let someone else stay with him while he got some actual food, his heart stopped for a few seconds. The one time he agreed to go out and grab some clothes, Ash turned colder and colder. He never tried to leave again. _I’m by your side_. He’d made a promise.

More often than not Eiji caught himself wondering if he couldn’t give Ash his heart. Not in the romantic way – that had happened a long time ago. He wondered if anyone would agree to that. He wouldn’t mind. It’s not like he _needed_ it, anyway.

_You need to get some actual sleep_ , one of the nurses told him one night. She was doing rounds and asked him if there wasn’t another person who could stay with him for a few days. Eiji didn’t look at her as he shrugged. _He’ll be alright_ , she tried to tell him. He didn’t answer. He didn’t know and neither did she. She couldn’t know – not when he was this cold, this pale, not when his heart failed him so many times already. _Can’t you just give him my heart?_ , he wanted to ask, _because it’s always been his to do as he pleases anyway._ He never had the courage to say that, though.

A week passed after the last time Ash’s heart failed to beat properly.

Eiji yawns, thumb softly stroking his hand. He hasn’t moved yet, hasn’t opened his eyes. The only proof Eiji has that Ash is still alive comes from the heart monitor and the slow rise and fall of his chest. He hates hospitals and hates how powerless he feels. _I’m by your side_ , he’d said. Big words for someone who didn’t even know for how much longer they could stand up straight.

One day Max came to visit. He told Eiji he’d stay with Ash for the night so he could rest for a bit and Eiji refused. _I promised him I’d be by his side_ , is what he said. _You can’t be by his side if you’re a walking corpse_. He did allow Max to keep an eye on him while he grabbed some food from a restaurant across the street. Ash’s heart didn’t fail him this time and Max gave him a nod as he left. _Feel free to call me if you ever need someone to step in for you._ Eiji remembers smiling at him but thinking he wouldn’t. He didn’t need anyone to step in for him.

_He’s stable but still in critical condition_ , is what the doctor tells him. _It’s a miracle he’s still alive._ Eiji wants to tell him that _no, it’s not._ He wants to tell him it’s because he’s here, because he’s fulfilling his promise. _It’s because I’m by his side as I said I’d be_. He doesn’t say anything, though, but he nods through the steam coming from his coffee cup. It’s his fourth one today.

He cries when Ash moves his fingers slightly. He might’ve been hallucinating from the lack of sleep or maybe from the caffeine overdose, but he still cries. He cries because he wants him to move, wants him to open his eyes and smirk playfully at him while teasing him for crying or for how messed up his hair is. He wants to hear his voice and wants to tell him he’s in love with him, has been for a long time now. He wants to kiss him again. Eiji can’t do any of those things, though, because Ash still lies lifeless on the bed, pale as his sheets, eyes still closed. Eiji prays silently that he’ll wake up soon.

It’s raining outside and his eyelids flutter down every few seconds. His muscles are screaming in pain, his hands shaking and legs weak. He’s a mess, really. His throat is raw, his eyes are red and puffy and he’s not even sure he remembers how to say anything other than _Ash_ or _I’m by your side_. It’s surreal.

Ash lost a lot of blood. Check.

Ash had a blood transfusion. Or maybe three, maybe more. Check.

Ash was put into a coma. Check.

Ash had been taken out of the mechanical ventilator. Check.

Ash was now breathing on his own. Check.

Ash is still unconscious. Check.

Eiji might be going crazy. Check.

There’s an unfinished, probably cold, cup of coffee by the tiny bedside table and Eiji almost launched towards it when another yawn broke through. He’s _so tired_ , so aimlessly lost, so terrified of that one scenario where Ash never wakes up again. _I’m by your side_ , he’d said. He doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to endure it, this constant pressure, this pain in his chest that crushes his heart every time he looks at Ash, every time he opens his eyes and sees the heart monitor showing him that _yes_ , his heart is still going strong. It hasn’t failed him again.

It’s late and Eiji wants to sleep.

It’s late and he’s had so many espressos today he’s sure he’s hallucinating when he looks back at Ash and sees the oh-so-familiar jade green eyes staring at him hazily. He’s breathing softly, blinking lazily, mouth slightly parted behind an oxygen mask. He has dark circles under his eyes and Eiji almost chuckles to himself. At least they match somehow.

He’s about to brush it off as a result of countless sleepless nights and a much higher caffeine intake than what’s probably recommended until he feels a soft grip in his hand. Ash is still staring at him no matter how many times Eiji blinks away the sleepiness, no matter how many times he gulps down the knot that persistently blocks his throat. _I’m by your side, I’m by your side._

It hurts.

Ash has no grip strength and his heart monitor is showing faster heartbeats. Ash is staring at him and he’s trying to say something but no words come out and Eiji doesn’t know what to do first. He wants to cry but he also wants to laugh because _he’s finally awake_ but he has to call for someone because _fuck, he’s finally awake_ and at the same time he doesn’t want to let go of his hand. He feels a lonely tear slide down his cheek and for a few seconds he just stares at Ash lovingly, no longer feeling sleepy or tired or anything other than _Ash_.

A choked sound comes out of his throat and Eiji gets up in less than a second.

“Don’t say anything,” he says softly, wiping away a tear. “Hold on, don’t say anything.”

“Eiji,” it comes out broken in more syllables than necessary, his voice wrecked. Eiji doesn’t care – it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard.

“Yes, I’m here,” he nods, stroking Ash’s hand.

All of a sudden, Eiji feels lighter. The weight on his shoulders has been lifted and he feels like he could fly out the window at any second now. Ash is okay and he’s awake and everything’s going to be just fine. He’s _so tired_ he feels dizzy. He’s also so happy he could start dancing right there, still holding his hand. Ash looks tired and sick but at this point Eiji thinks he’s the most beautiful person on the planet because _he’s alive_. He wished he could’ve given Ash his own heart because he couldn’t bear to live in a world without him – it wouldn’t make sense. _I’m by your side_ , he’d said, and he meant every single syllable.

He knows he needs to call a nurse so they can check up on him. He knows he _should_ do that, but for now he just wants to stare at his eyes for a little longer, to memorize every single corner of his face. _God_ , he wants to kiss him and hug him and just _touch_ him everywhere there is to touch.

It’s only when Ash tries to speak up again that it clicks.

“Wait, wait,” he jumps up, shaking his hands in front of Ash’s face. “I’ll call a nurse! Don’t move, don’t say anything, just… I’ll be back!”

His heart is pounding as he opens the door to the cramped room. The hospital’s pretty quiet at night and Eiji has come to enjoy the silence during his sleepless nights, watching Ash breathing in and out slowly, wishing he’d open his eyes. Well, now he did. And Eiji is freaking out. All of a sudden, the daydreams seem unrealistic because he never freaked out and was always composed and cool and always knew what to do. Now? Now Eiji’s wheezing as he calls the closest nurse with his arms up in the air, not really remembering how to articulate a proper sentence. She seems to understand him, though, because she nods and runs along with him back to the room.

Ash is still awake, eyes slowly scanning the room. They lock on Eiji as the nurse asks him questions he doesn’t know how to answer. _I’m by your side_ , Eiji keeps mouthing to him, a soft smile on his face. He’s hiding in a dim-lit corner of the room where he hopes Ash can’t see the tears staining his face or how puffy and red his eyes already are. The nurse keeps talking but Ash doesn’t seem to care, still staring at Eiji.

“Can you tell me your name?” She asks.

Ash blinks up at her for a few seconds before nodding softly. “Aslan,” he manages to choke out.

The nurse looks back at Eiji with a soft smile on her face, nodding at him. “Okay. Do you feel any kind of discomfort besides the sore throat?”

“Back,” he gulps. “Hurts. Lips.”

Eiji is crying, looking at Ash as if he’s the most precious thing in the world now. The nurse asks him a few more questions and chats with him for a few minutes before telling Eiji she’ll be around if they need anything else. He doesn’t answer her because he doesn’t know how to – the words are all jumbled up in his head and he’s not even sure he remembers how to breathe. His eyes are burning and so are his lungs but _Ash is awake_ and he’s smiling at him fondly.

His lips are still chapped and bleeding and he still needs the oxygen. His heart beats a bit faster, Eiji notices, because the monitor is beeping in a faster rhythm now. _He’s not the only one_ , he tells himself.

“I’m by your side.”

Ash manages to choke out a chuckle and Eiji giggles through his tears.

“I promised you,” he says as Ash nods softly. “They told me. They told me you were holding the letter I wrote you. Sing called me and I came back. I’m by your side.”

He’s not making any sense – he’s talking way too fast and he’s mixing up his languages but Ash still seems to understand what he says because he’s still smiling softly and nodding and _fuck_ , he looks like heaven. His eyes are the most beautiful thing Eiji’s seen in the last few weeks and he’s missed them so, _so much_ he thinks the tears are never going to stop.

“Tired.” Ash whispers.

“You can go back to sleep,” Eiji replies in a soft tone.

Ash shakes his head. “You.” 

_Oh._

“It’s fine” he shrugs. “I’ll watch over you.”

“I’m by your side,” Ash says back. His voice cracks and he looks like he’s in pain as he talks. “Sleep. I’ll watch over you.”

If he hadn’t been crying already, Eiji is sure he would’ve bawled his eyes out as soon as the words left his mouth. He walks slowly towards the bed again, trying to keep his tears at bay, trying to show him a cool side he’s not even sure exists. But Ash is still smiling at him, dark circles under bright eyes and Eiji forgets the fatigue, forgets everything that’s not _Ash, Ash, Ash_ , because nothing else matters besides _him_.

When he sits down and crouches so that he can rest his forehead on the bed, Ash slowly moves his hands to rest on top of Eiji’s head. Had they been in literally any other circumstance, Eiji would’ve minded his dirty, greasy hair – but he doesn’t care, he doesn’t have it within him to care right now. Ash’s touch is soft and sweet and Eiji relaxes his muscles almost immediately.

_I’m by your side_ , he wants to tell him again.

Or, rather, _I love you_.

He peeks at him, finding the same sweet smile staring down at himself.

“I’m glad you woke up,” he whispers. Ash nods. “I missed you.”

“Yeah…”

“I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything back, but his fingers start playing with Eiji’s hair. _I love you, too_ , he seems to convey. Eiji smiles to himself as he feels sleep creeping up on him again. This time, though, unlike the previous nights, he welcomes it with open arms. Ash is still playing with his hair, humming in a husky voice, when Eiji says it one more time just for the sake of it, in a whisper so low he’s not even sure he said it.

He hears a snort before Ash replies, in the same cracked voice, that “I love you more.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is how bf actually ended you can't change my mind
> 
> my boys deserved better


End file.
